juz went to read michelle's bloggie. thought-provoking. i dunno sometimes its juz simply i dun think or i think too much.
can we love like we've not been hurt before?
i guess we can. but it sure takes a lot out of someone to learn to forgive and open up her heart once again to take in people and to love them 100%. the hurt and pain is juz unbearable at times. dun be mistaken. its not as though i've been in and out of relationships a zillion times but i really no longer dare to pour out my all in loving and giving to people. i'm afraid of being hurt so much once again. i guess i probably turned myself off emotionally for quite some time le and it ends up that i am rather emotional now. not wanting to give thoughts to anything. thoughts of juz leaving everything behind and conform to everything everyone else around me is doing. mug, mug, mug and mug. solely living a mugger's life. i now dun haf the motivation to don anything. i juz want to bury myself under the pillows, blankets and the comfort my bed has to offer. i dont want to think about anything and everything. i'm trying not to isolate myself but it is not easy. i can never draw the line on my face unto a curve upwards.it seems that it can only remain as a horizontal line. i know people care for me but yet i do not know how to vocalize everything. its pathetic to blog and write like that but i cant be bothered to care about it anymore. dun think i'm to the extent of depression though. and now it seems that is my turn that i'm waiting. but yet i've no idea what i'm waiting for. i really do think that i'm a bit crazy at times. when things become too much to take, you'll see...
not that i dun want to share but i really dunno how to...
Some thoughts when i was "in my own world during KI"...
A person without emotions or not daring to involve emotions seems so unreal. it feels as though a person can only be as real as his very emotions. is it better to be on a emotional roller coaster or better to not have any disturbances to our emotions? am i as lost as Sebas is in emotions? in the area of my inner emotions, i dun haf the guts (courage) to give my 100% to love again. i wish i can always wrap my arms around my kids (or maybe someone could do that to me too?) Chu' er's initiation to hug me made me feel so loved so loved. it was juz so accepting and innocent, with no motives. a 3 year old but yet a powerful and wonderful love motivator. i affirm that children are the best gifts that God can ever bestow anyone. *imagine the joy of all the parents during baby dedication svc*. i seem to be so lost but yet, i choose to believe that when there seems to be no way, He makes a way!
Falling into a pit of confusion those with God walking as though wothout too many questions asked might not necessitate a clearer picture so lost thati dont know what it is not knowing what to do the hope of carrying on with even the minimal seems to be so farway i believe in actively making things happen beginnings of miracles some may say i am i am so weak that i need to be strengthened i no longer want to be hollow on the inside emotionally void what to do? can i really really really put them down the burdens into His very hands will it ever ever help if i choose to linger?
listening to don moen's Breakthrough. believing in the reality of the song that God is brighter than my darkest night, stronger than my toughest fight...
pressing on... waiting... believing...
to bob, barry and hg who asked: its not that i dont want to share but yet i've no idea how to really say it out when your did ask. i couldnt put words to all that i was feeling or even sure of what i was feeling.
joy is not equals to happiness. you can be happy for one moment but not the next. however, joy is sth that you'll experience even in the darkest valley...
sometimes i wonder if i'm stronger through all the battles i've been fighting all my life. i know of the importance of guarding my mind and am trying my best to...
11:12 PM
navigating and marking milestones in my life as a budding linguist, sister, daughter, leader and friend
daughter of grace.
a woman must bury her heart so deeply in God such that the man has to go through God to find it
lil ms.
Grace, Yun Rui
CHC.W466.
NTU LMS Year 2
goals.
GPA 4 for this semester
learn guitar
creative curriculum
reads.
sister's keeper
wishes.
Mission trip
bibleglo
itouch
10 megapix Digital Camera
photo printer
skechers or any uber comfy shoes and platforms
hard disk drive
