been so long since i last blogged and am glad that at least i had e discipline to not to during this period of promos, it would have taken quite some time out of my time, knowing how i can blog endlessly...
anyway today has been an awesome day so far. slept a good 12 hours. haha. been so different as compared to the 3 hrs of sleep daily. now am rested and satisfied of sleep. went over to visit both my grandparents in the afternn. visited my dad's mum with daddy. could feel how glad ah mah was with seeing this son dat she has not seen for 3 years. spend some time together with ah mah and daddy before daddy has to get back to work. gonna learn how to make soups from ah mah soon. really miss the tasty soups she can make. speaking of which, i might be gg to learn how to make snowskin mooncakes frm kenn's mummy, yet another delicacy.
after which i went to ah ma's house. dad wanted me to bring some mooncakes over as well. it is really the season for it. =) ah ma was juz saying that her fren was juz asking her how come she has so many daughters but yet apparently almost no mooncakes at her place. so was very glad i brought them over. was juz abt to leave until si-yi came. was thinking might as well juz stay a while more since its a rarity tat i see my aunt. i didnt greet ah gong when i entered the hse cause he was sleeping, at least i thought to be so, until si-yi entered and went to his ear and called 'lau pa'. ah gong just nodded and continued lying there. si-yi was just saying how gonggong's days are numbered and the comfort that it brings whenever his children n grandchildren came over. i den went over to his left ear and called him, "ah gong, noi noi is here". i was taken by surprise when he sat up almost immediately. i really sensed how glad he was to have me ard. i realized dat ah gong is not just deaf in the right ear, he no longer cld see. he grappled his way ard the house when he wanted to go to somewhere in the house. gave ah ma a massage and she was happy about it. even si-yi was happy to see how willing i was to get close to my grandparents as compared to some of my cousins who shunned and viewed ah gong in disdain. i can never ever imagine how can one do that to their grandparents. i guess for me, my grandparents played a very essential part in my life. i'm going to make a commitment to visit them more often, esp ah mah and ah gong, whose days are really numbered. as i sat there talking to them, there den birthed a desire and a revealation of how i was a light in my mum's side of the family. they see me as a brilliant girl and who truly cares for the elderly in the family. my desire now is to really brushed up my hokkien to be able to converse with ah gong and share with him the gospel before anything happens. God, give me extended time!!! i want to see all 3 grandparents get saved. there is never ever someone too old for the kingdom, neither is ther one too young. i want to see God's promise of when one in the household is saved, the whole hsehold will be saved in my time. i want to be the one that changes the culture in the line of both the Kong and the Ong family. i'm no longer satisfied with seeing the lives outside the family touched. i want to see lives in the family touched by God through me. need to find someone to help me with hokkien...
(now) i'm so sick of how ma is always trying to make me feel guilty whenever i really don't want to do something. she'll like to rake up the past and take it out for discussion and for comparison, even sth that is of a decade old. she feels that everything she gets us or rather, me to do is that she deserves it and that it is a zhi ma lu dou thing. come on. if she like making comparisons so much, she might as well just compare me and my sisters. who is the one who doesn't scream at her or retort back whenever she starts to nag or force us to eat or drink sth. who gives her the minimal problems and even help to try to resolve hers? who is the one is she inflicting the most heartache on day in, day out? i realized that i'm actually a person that is pretty easy to boss around. it is kinda like a nature, i don't like the feeling of it and i hate to be forced to do sth. who doesn't? i really feel that there is a greater need to move on than to drag issues that has been resolved out of the closet and talk about it all day n night again. to me, it is just futility. the hurt, damage and how they have been to me, i've released and forgiven them. its so horrid to ever want to bring them out and juz talk abt them. it'll only end up hurting everyone. i no longer tear on whenever i talk about the past. i have overcome it. to come to think of it, i am pretty cool whenever i end up telling ppl that my parents are divorced, of course, i'm not boasting of it.
mum is probably still trapped in her bitterness and hatred. pray, rui, pray.
wat for to always re-mention the past when it always make u feel miserable thereafter? what for talk about the past if it doesn't encourage you to look forward and scale greater heights? what for...? i just want to learn and move on.
sth that juz came to my mind was how come we will tend to appreciate sth more if it has never been given to us, and how we tend to take things around us for granted most of the time. isn't it true that someone can continually help us carry our bags but yet someone comes along to carry it and we feel really bu ha yi si. i don't know. i must make that commitment to really appreciate everyone around me for the things that they have been doing, esp during my promos...
THANKS...1. Everyone
... for their prayers and support. ur prayers really covered and gave me strength throughot the whole course of prep an exams...
2. jing teng, xuan n yz
... for ur smses of encouragement. did really encouragement. indeed, i can do it! speaking of which, it reminded me that my love lang is word of affirmations...
3. Samuel
... for being so willing to help me call the kids during last week. you never know how great that help was...
4. Randolph
... for helping me with my maths although some of it was seemingly easy and due to carelessness on my part
... for hearing me out when i'm not okay and for the words of advice...
5. Adam
... for helping me with integration by parts and physics. you were indeed such an inspiration and giving me a headstart for my revision for physics through that crash course. you interest in the subject is juz amazing...
6. yieping n tong
... thanks for the sharing, encouragement and advice that your gave. really thanks for ur understanding and being there
... thanks yieping for the
hugs...7. kokkoon
... for all the inspiration, wise words and encouragement you given. jia you in the building of your ark...
8. xuan, gladys, yz, kk and sebas
... for the fellowship and gg on the movie last monday. really really enjoyed myself and relaxed after the show. was pretty perked up after the show. you are a GREAT COMPANY. really needed the de-stressing agent =p ...
... xuan, thanks for the dark chocolate! was yummy. does it really help lose weight? jk. =p
9. mummy
... for all the good food that she has been showering on me whenever i was at home.
(wonder if i'm getting fatter)...
10. sis jo
... for just listening to me and showing me what priorities really are and showing concern...
thank you Daddy for all the friends that you've put in my life and for putting me in this family...
thant's all bout it, as far as i can rmb...
went for dim sum buffet on sunday with kk, gladys, randolph, audrey, jingteng, jd, michael, lijun and hardy. the combination of pple seems a bit weird to me in e sense that i dunno quite a lot of them. was fun and the food was really really yummy. love the sago dessert the most. haha. anyway michael said that i look like a 19-year old. do i? =) anyway not such a bad thing la. the fellowship was great. eventually left me, kk, gladys, jt and jd. den started toking and the topic just somehow landed on me. oh, i was the youngest in the grp aside frm michael. the rest were all at least 22. =p cant really rmb wat the qn was but i know my reply was that i'm happily single. they also asked me for my criterion for a beau the next time. haha. what would my prince be like? shld come up with a ten things rui look for in a guy list. haha. was juz reminded of my response when i was filmed for kids talk back (a show hosted by gurmit singh). my then response to my beau to be - 5Cs. haha. and the next dat after the show was screened, i became the talk of the teachers and some of my friends. considering the then 10 year old i was, i was at loss. haha. still rmb that how most teachers were like my friends, esp ms Deborah. but anyway, i know the day when they asked me abt it, i upgraded that to 10Cs. haha. but to compare as of know, i still look for a few Cs but the meaning of the Cs now do differ quite drastically. our conversation also got down to my view on andre and the guys in my ministry. haha. i guess all this for me now is shan shan shan. will still be so until i'm 21? anyway gladys is really super duper funny. she has a lot of jokes and stories to tell. sugar? sure!
enjoy my time with her. and to a extent, feel that she is so much more youth-y den me. =p
was just in the cab with randolph as we were gg for dim sum. was just discussing the DISC personality. i guess for me, i'm ISCD or SICD. and that's how i guess i end up being 'boss' around cause usually i'll juz go along. he was saying that ppl who were unwise would tend to take advantage of my lacking in D-ness. guess its kinda true at times. easy-going doe s not equal to can be bullied!!!
anyway this whole time of promos also sparked off many new things in my life. i got really frustrated with the direction of my whole life. i no longer want to live my life how it has been for the past 10 months. i am at a limit although kinda still can be stretched but minimally. i've been burning myself like a candle, on both ends and occassionally in the centre. its true tat i gotta still study even though exams is over, due to the uncompleted tutorials for the whole year. for the nxt 2 weeks really need to just give myself to prayer and fasting. i dun want to end my year how it started, although its been awesome but yet tiring. i dun like the feeling of wanting to do more but yet not able to. Lord, speak as i yearn to hear your voice...
of course, not forgetting the fellowhsip that i have during these period of time. there is now a desire for greater fellowship and friendship. for a 'jonathan' in my life, whom i can speak into her life and vice versa... (tbc)
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