hmm. was just sharing and really reflecting my life so far as a 17-year old and was just sharing with korkor. he is pretty amazed actually at how i'm living my life and how i really differed frm those who have came out of similar backgrounds as mine. my days have never really been a breeze. my life in a sense is comparable to a play. but yet it never fails to amaze me how my life has been so wonderfully touched by God and the church. pple who really touched and impacted me: sis jo, sis glor, tr john, tr andrew, yieling, mingxuan, jiamei, edmond and all my cg members dat was there to have prayed for me and loved me, as well as my cc teachers.
was also juz sharing with him dat i burst out at ma yday when she liteary kept criticizing and naggin at me the whole day and frm days before promos started. it started as an argument and it really hurt so much so in the end to have quarrelled with her. i cant take quarrels. really quarrel and srgument intolerant. she has been non-stop commenting on every single thing that i've been doing frm days before promos. i really wonder why is it me and when i'm the only one who will just listen to her without retorting or lashing out. kor was just saying that i'm the only one whom my mum can divert all her naggy-ness to without being screamed at. as such, the nagging all just lands up on me, i'm like the one who is able to take everything. but hey, criticism and constant nagging demeans the value of a person, a matter repeated many times over can seem to be a fact for the moment. been praying and guarding against my previous bad habit on juz criticing myself further when my mum starts nagging at me. in a sense, kor was just telling me that ma juz needs an avenue to outsource her frustrations but yet, my sisters would only scream at ma whenever she barely finishes her sentence. i dun want to always be ma's punching bag. it hurts in the heart big time. every time she nag it really just pulls my value down, really.
kor was just telling me that i've been a very strong person thru all the times but yet the question still lies, no matter how strong and independent i can get, i still need assurance and someone to love me and dote on me. no matter how my members can call me bro kong, i'm still like every sister in everyway. who doesn't want to love and be loved by people? i don't always give in to ma cause everytime i give way she juz demands more. i really simply just like to keep things simple as it is. i dun want to be a punching bag anymore for ma to continually vent her frustrations she has towards my sisters on me. i really dun want. i really dun deserve to continually be torn down like that at home. at least i think not. i dun need someone to simply just assume dat i'm a 'kaypoh' and nag endlessly simply based on her assumptions despite explanations, everytime i stepped out of the house and go out. i've been trying to show understanding and consideration as much as i can to pple. but who can show me the consideration and understanding that i need?i'm really getting frustrated and tired. i dun want this to continue endlessly with me bearing the wrath. promos are over but yet there is another burden that i got to face. God, in Your Word You said that your yoke is easy and your burden is light, i'm so willing for you to take all that i am now in exchange for all of you. Lord, you show me how to live.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding,
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.
*this was what sis jo left with me when i left playgrp this year though i still go back quite frequently. really applies now...
12:37 AM
