i started my day with tears. yet another call frm daddy followed by wu yi. this is the fourth call this week from daddy. probably a first time. i now regret so much for sth that i failed to do - bank in the money each time the money comes. it hung on my mind since mon, but it really hit me when dad talked abt it today. i never knew of such implications to come. all i feel like doing now is to really sink back into bed and withdraw frm everything. i dun quite understand how complicated things can get at times. this is probably reality.
wu yi told me abt the legal implications on daddy since he was arrested on sunday midnight n released only on mon morning. daddy is looking for a new place to operate his stall n work since the one at upper changi is gonna cease in operation this year end. but daddy now faces a lot of problem due to the charges pressed against him by none other than, mummy. wu yi told me that daddy might have to end up in jail. i don't ever ever ever ever want to see that happening. God, please don't let it happen!
dad told me to take it easy, don't stress too much and many other things that i'm not able to understand. i asked why and what really happened. but daddy decided to talk abt it another time.
though daddy asked me to feign ignorance abt the whole issue on mon towards mum (since she hasn't told me), i feel that i cant do it. there is a burning desire to want to ask my mum abt it. but yet, i don't know how to. my attitude towards mum has changed. i don't know how to react and respond. God, please please grant me the strength, wisdom and grace in this very situation. i need you so much nearer this very moment, really.
building fund has barely started but it seems that so much so has happened. this year has been one filled with many battles, most of which i overcame but yet there are marks that are left behind, written in my heart.
mum's been saying things that really hurt not only me, but ting.
this was especially so: wo hao xin shou liu ni men, ni men hai zhe yang.
it made me and ting both wondered whether have she really treat us as her very own. of course, we are imperfect pple, there is bound to be some sort of favouritism ( in tis case, towards yi ). but yet, need she show it so distinctly to us? i don't know. i really don't. i can understand the fears that she has, but yet, isn't it easier to be less calculative towards things?
to ting, she feels dat she has been adopted or juz picked off from streets, not mum's very own.
thank God for her open sharing towards me...
i realized as i grow older, the less i can understand. all the things that i have seen and heard this year from my mum has made me question her values and lifestyle.
for now, i pray that God you will mend all the hurts, for wisdom and grace over my life. for protection over daddy. for mum to begin to make more sense...
10:31 AM
