just in response to sharon's taggie...
i feel that sometimes even if you choose for things to not get to you, there will still be some impact on our lives no matter how subtle it may be, whether we notice it or not. and speaking from my point as a kid whose parents had undergone divorce since i was 7, there are things that i could not really choose to not get to me. seriously, kids are not really equipped with the neccesary life skills to handle situations like that. that's why my heart really goes out to kids who are beginning to understand things and have to go through a phase like that. it is really a rough ride for me at that point and even till date, i still suffer from the "after-effects".
i know of kids who are growing up in single parent families and worked out fine in the end, while most lived screwed up lives (even ppl who grew up in "complete families" end up like that too). some of these kids are even labelled as hopeless by ppl, while some are called talented. one thing abt kids that grow up in shattered families struggle with issues like esteem and need for love. as a kid, i wondered why do we have to write
zhuo wen on
wo xin fu de jia, xin fu de jia ting etc. the divorce did really serious damage on my life. from the 3rd student in the level in primary one, 1st runner-up for story-telling competition, chinese dancer etc, my life took a real drastic change within a few months. i became a problematic kid with violent tendencies and got really withdrawn. not doing homework and easily angered. obviously my studies took a plunge. like what my teacher told me when i saw her recently was that
ni zhen de rang ren kan le xin suan, zhen me bian de zhen me duo. anyway, my bottom line is that because i was love-deficient in my life and under the constant bullying of my cousin since moving in with my uncle, great damage was done to my esteem as well. there was no one to nurture me in what was most important to a kid - love. another thing about kids is that whatever happens to them, they can rmb very very very clearly even a few decades later, so watch wat you do to kids.
and just to reconcile with what i was talking about responsibility previously, a young kid may not have the abilities to take responsibility for themselves in such situations (due to the lack of understanding and info processing) and it is impertinent for ppl in their lives to guide them and nurture them. thankfully, i had jo, glordia, john, shumei and many of the other children church teachers who sowed into my lives caring for me, egging me on, helping me to build my character to what it is today. and not forgetting that even as i went through my years of family crisis as a teenager, i had yieling, edmund, jiamei, phoebe, mingxuan and my other cg members always on the other line for me, sending me home and keeping me in their prayers. and in the more recent years, i'm really blessed to have barry, tong and bob to listen to me and give wise counsel even as i still struggle with family issues. but all these form another story.
as teenagers, we do have the ability to analyze and understand situation. besides that, we are also endowed with the ability to control our reactions to things, as well as how we feel. maturity does not come with age but with responsibility. i have cousins who are twice my age and unable to earn any respect in the family, simply because they refuse to take responsibility even for their own lives.
we can never deny our past but using our past as an excuse is once again a display of irresponsible behaviour. i'm not saying that my life has been so much tougher than many. but what i have learnt is that all of us go through different things so that we become more able to help others who might go through a similar experience at a later age. and so far, i can see my life experiences beginning to help some others, esp my kids.
and just to add on, it is important for those who have very young siblings or cousins in the family, to learn to encourage and nurture these kids cause this is the stage where the personalities are formed, charcter and life skills being developed. it is even more impt to be a vessel of love to kids whose parents are divorced and is so hungry for love. this hunger for love if not fed properly will probably translate into adverse behaviour when they become teenagers, from what we can see in some joining gangs (need for belonging), some engaged in endless dating, constantly changing beaus, sex etc. so besides being responsible for ourselves, let us learn to be socially responsible to the kids who are beginning to understand and form their view about the world...
1:36 PM
