i am just very much thankful for an abba that loves me so very much. a word that was spoken forth so timely, the unrolling of events and His ever reassuring presence and love.
there were three person that came to my heart and mind that i really wanted to ask for forgiveness and make restituition, for each of them value a lot a lot a lot to me - mummy, a leader and a friend.
and i realized how much courage it really takes to do it not out of an emotional hype but when it really comes out of a genuine decision to change. you may feel like running away and just forget about it. or even write an email or send an sms to the person and then count it over. the most difficult is probably to call or even to meet up the person face to face. but yet it is probably the one that shows the most sincerity.
i decided to call up the friend and i'm really thankful that i did. although i was very much tempted to just email the friend what i have prepared to say. i'm glad that i didn't and really really thankful that the friend was as encouraging as always and especially to God for the courage to even make the call and wrote down all that i wanted to say. the hardest was probably the saying part and not the writing part. there were parts that have not been 'scripted' but yet it also revealed the deepest of what was in my heart which otherwise might have remained hidden. pretty much that which is brought out into the open and into the light is the one that can recover the most. thank you for being so gracious to not have me to try to recover on my own but willing to take me in once again as your friend. i guess i have been pretty much wilful and stubborn.
thank you my friend for being so gracious to forgive and forget in that very instant. it was that fast even before i could even blink. but yet it also showed me what our friendship meant to us and the kind of person that you really are. you made it a whole lot easier as i embark on to the very next chapter of my life knowing that i have found a best friend in you. as you have said, the time apart is needed to do us good. and i thank you for the chance to start over the friendship once again. i prayed that this friendship is one that can be tested and be proven loyal. *clip clop*
and with mummy coming back in 14 hours, i look forward to be able to make restituition for what i said and what i did just before she left the country. and with the leader, i really hope to be able to draw closer to and serve alongside with...
God, open up these doors that You have shown me...
and through it all, i'm thankful to God for putting it in my heart and giving me the courage to own up to what i have done wrong than to just leave it as it is. i know if it was just me, i would not have been able to own up and look at everything that i have said or done with such radical honesty and say that i am wrong. let time be the greatest test of the change in me. mould me and make me into what You want me to be; You are the potter and i am the clay...
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change but the courage to change the things that I can. Let your glory be revealed through me in Your time...
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and before i head to bed, i just felt that i have to write this down. i am just very much touched that how God answered my prayers in an email that i received. a wave of relief just washed over me, but above and beyond that, i am touched by how God knows and also the graciousness of her words. the email was written a few hours back but the reply came so timely. indeed, when much is forgiven, much is loved. i am finally seeing the light at the end of this valley that i plunged myself in somehow but God has never failed to take me in His right hand leading me on from that day i came before Him and repented.
there were depressing days (and today being one of it) but His love and presence just cam on stronger and even more tangible. i think i am beginning to comprehend the restoration that the others have been speaking of. Holy Spirit, help me to never ever forget this day where forgiveness flowed and you filled my heart once again with such faith and hope for the future, completing me in Your love. what more can i say when i know that i have someone like You watching over me, someone that i call Abba. You have been so real so real, more so than i could ever imagine in my entire walk with You. this season of encounters and revelations, i never would want it to end. i want to be like Ruth and Enoch who walked with You to the very end. thank You for blessing me with all that You have and showing me what i needed to see once again. *at total loss of words for the greatness and limitless of Your love for me...*
and thank you to all my silent blog readers who have been keeping me in prayers and your words of encouragements. you have been a blessing - and you know who you are...
more than enough, You're, more than enough, You're more than enough for me...
Labels: comfort, encouragement, life lessons, relationships
2:15 AM
the weekend has been good. had loads of fellowship time with the members and saw how many of them have grown. and most importantly, how everyone can now enjoy the fellowship of each other, caring for one another and also the older ones caring for the younger ones, sending them home. i'm glad and i really am.
and as the cg embarks on the last quarter together, i'm excited for all the growth that each of them will undergo individually and all of us coporately in our love for one another. and i am now reminded of a vision that God has put into my heart sometime last year. is it really all going to happen now? i'm praying and keeping my fingers crossed. God has just been so good so good that it's getting beyond my limited understanding. but i'm loving it. it is really really an adventure!
there has been sth that i've been trying to forget. my says to stop rehearsing the moments and think of the reasons to not be reliant. i'm trying and i'll keep trying till i get it right. hate to be having all these conflicting thoughts. i cried as i prayed and i felt sth breaking inside. is this it? i hope it is...
"But by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me was not in vain; but I labored more abundantly than they all, yet not I, but the grace of God which was with me..."
~1 Corinthians 15:10
i am not as strong as i
Labels: comfort, encouragement, milestones, thoughts
10:57 PM
BIG change is possible. we just need to start small, start now.
just had a talk with francis and weiliang. it started off me thinking about faith and capacity. whenever we move on into another area and stage of our life, we embrace a similiar set of questions but just at a different level. is the core of our being still the same? or has it changed with time and our experiences?
i always feel that so much more can be done. and at the same time, i learnt to acknowledge the personal limitations that i have. but even more importantly, to stretch these limits and prioritise. i want to know how much He can stretch me and i can't wait to see my potential being developed. but is this the right time and right thing to do? it is interesting how seasons operate...
i pray that God will show when the time is right, to take it up or to help someone else take it up. what francis spoke to me about has always been what has been at the back of my mind - just how involved? and if it happens, i trust that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. anointing and authority comes when the willing steps up...
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something i felt very strongly about during the pm was the word that i felt in my heart. indeed in times like these with impending deadlines and tests, many of us tend to get very worried and concerned, and some, crushed. but God promised His grace and His presence as we learn to navigate in our lives. if only every day we would seek Him like David would. even in the presence of his enemies. he had no sleeping problems or worries. and that is how i know God wants us to live our lives daily - just that we need to DO IT!
God, help me to walk in child-like faith and always to hear and obey, trusting You...
Labels: comfort, ntu, thoughts
3:42 PM
this post shall be one of the memorial stones that will bring to my rememberance (due to a failing memory) that God sees all that i am feelings and how He is indeed a comforter through these times..
many things took place for the past 4 days that got me pretty emotionally unstable.
my thoughts were running wild, making it difficult for organization.
even now as i'm discouraged, God has sent people who have brought encouragement to me through the things they have said and done.
alicia, thanks for being so willing to avail yourself to spend time with me and also in your desire to know God more.
li yun, for telling me that i am a great leader from the camp.
i know have understanding of what it means to lead and inspire.
thanks for these affirmative words for it brings hope and faith to where it has been running dry.
what to do without people like you who bring a word right for the season,
it is like a rain in the time of drought.
leadership does not just take the faith of one, but many others running alongside together...Labels: comfort
2:13 AM
